Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
The_first_Ezookiel 24 day.ago3 guys die and get to the Pearly Gates. St Peter greets them and apologises, saying that Due to a recent issue during an upgrade - their entire system is offline and they can’t currently look up any of their records, and will have to send the three of them back to Earth while they sort things out. St Peter further explains, that since they’d freak out any family or friends, they’ll have to be sent back as someone else. The first one asks whether they have to be sent back as people, or can he be sent back as an animal. St Peter says that going back as an animal is fine. So the first guys says he’d like to be sent back as an Eagle, because he’d love to be able to fly. St Peter agrees and a moment later the first guy disappears and is back on earth as requested. The second guys says, well, if going back as an animal is possible, then I’d love to be sent back as a whale - I’ve always loved exploring the ocean but was so limited as to the depth that I could go. A moment later he’s back on earth as requested. The third guy gets a bit of a scheming look on his face, and asks St Peter, “So let me get this straight - your whole system is down, and won’t be back up until you call us back here again - does that mean that you’ll have no record of anything we do while we are down there?” St Peter thinks for a moment, then says, “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but yes, I guess you’re correct - we won’t have any record of what you do while you’re there” The third guys says, “Well, I’ve lived a pretty clean life, but a big part of me has always wanted to be a bit more … let’s say “adventurous” … could I be sent back to have a chance to live it up a bit - go back and live the life of an absolute ‘stud’ for a bit?” St Peter seems a bit unhappy with the request, but agrees, and a moment later the 3rd guys is back on earth as requested. A few days later God is speaking with St Peter and advises that their systems are all restored, their records are all back online, and they’re ready to bring the 3 guys back. God asks about where the 3 guys currently are. St Peter says, the first will be easy to find, he’s currently soaring over The Rockies, and the 2nd guy is just heading back North after exploring the depths of the Southern Ocean, but St Peter says that he’s a bit worried about finding the third guy. God asks why, and St Peter says, “I’m not sure of his exact location, but I do know that he’s somewhere in Minnesota - he’s on a snow tire.”
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They have NOT forgotten.
"Get your cuirass out of here!"
Because he would have ryzen
“Joooooooooooooooke.”
Neither have eye
An olive oil change..
A famous soccer player, who shall of course remain nameless, got set up to go on a blind date. After an enjoyable evening, although interspersed with tales of his exploits in various games, the player persuaded the lady to park "to see the moon". After some mutual exploration, with more exploits narrated in between kisses, the footballer took the girl's hand, put it on his head, and asked, "Have you ever felt anything like this?" Confused, she shook her head and said, "No." The player informed her, "This is the head that headed the goal that got us through the quarter finals." He then took her hand and put it on his foot. "Have you ever felt anything like this?" Once again, she shook her head and said, "No." "This is the foot that kicked the goal that got us through the semi-finals." Fed up by now, the girl took his hand, put it between her legs, and asked, "Have you ever felt anything like this?" A bit embarrassed and shamefaced, he replied, "Yes, when I missed the penalty in the final."
Son: Dad, I've been thinking for a while now. How did you get Mom as your wife? Dad: Simple son. You know I'm a very religious guy. I go to the church every week. When I was younger, I would regularly donate a dollar every week, with a silent prayer to get a beautiful, understanding, and loving wife. Son: Figures. That's what you get for a dollar a week.
A young inebriated woman, who for some reason wasn't wearing any clothes, hopped into a taxi and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an older gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at her. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" The driver answered, "Let me tell you something. I wasn't staring at you like you think; that would be improper." The drunk woman chuckled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass, what are you doing?" The driver paused for a moment, then he said: "Well ma'am, I am thinking to myself, where in the hell is this lady keeping the money to pay the fare?"
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